I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
