I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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