you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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