My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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