Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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