i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
