All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
