haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
