I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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