At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
