you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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