I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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