Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
