operation harelip BJ is a go
the day after is always just damage control
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
