Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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