I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
