I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
