hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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