I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
