eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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