It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
