There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
