I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
