The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
