Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
