Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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