Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
