: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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