I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were destined to go to rehab together
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
