I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
