she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
