he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
