dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
