I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i out mim tonsoeep
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