Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
