Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
