Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
