But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
