I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
