I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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