It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
