ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
