he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
