He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
