She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
