in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
