I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
