dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
