are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
