never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
