She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
