She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
