if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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