I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
