I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
pray to the hookup gods
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
